thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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