What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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