just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
