Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
