Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
