Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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