Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
