I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
