he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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