it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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