did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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