She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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