Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
