Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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