I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
