I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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