I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
