I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
