Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
