guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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