Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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