if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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