I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Houston, we have a squirter
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
