I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
