My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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