cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
