Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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