jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
