I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
