I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
