I hope mine doesn't look like that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
