People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
