I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
