You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
