Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
