This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
