Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
