LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
