I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
