Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
