are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
