I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
