I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
40s are totally the cure
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
