I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
