Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
