You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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