My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
