your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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