Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
