I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
