her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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