White coat. Heels.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
