Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
