somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
