i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
