i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dignity is for republicans.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
