EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
